I fist pumped....

...when Blair and Dan kissed. I literally had both fists above my head, pumping.

To the recap:

Secrets between friends: Blair is happier than usual... especially considering she was just fired from her opportunity-of-a-lifetime job. She tries to attribute it to the leafy green juices of which she has been partaking, but Dorota knows that child better than she knows herself... you can fool Serena even though you share a bathroom... but nothing is getting past Dorota. After Blair leaves the room, Dorota finds a magazine with Dan's name and address on it, and confronts Blair about their secret relationship. Blair scoffs at such an idea and assures Dorota that she can stop seeing Dan at anytime... so she stands him up for their afternoon "date." Meanwhile, the almost exact conversation is going on across town between Dan and good ole Rufus, who I am sure was relieved to get a script that was longer than a post-it. Dan asks his dear old dad some cryptic questions about being secret friends. Strange to me: 20-something Dan is asking his pop who he can be friends with... but Rufus makes it clear that he can be friends with anyone, except Blair. He then poignantly states that sometimes friendships are just what we are doing to keep from trying what we really want. This makes Dan immediately decide to stand up Blair, without knowing she stood him up first. The two run into each other later and have a lovers' squabble about standing each other up... but still insist that they are just friends... so not a big deal.... so little of a deal, in fact, that they will announce it at the party that night. Yes, because I usually announce my friendships at large social gatherings.

Hostile Takeover: In other news, I am beyond ready for Chuck and Lily to tie these Thorpes up in neat little bows and send them back to Chicago. Tonight, Russell sends Lily an orange jumpsuit, just to let her know that he knows. Damien gave him the information last week, but that was just hearsay from a known drug-dealer, so Russell calls Ben's mom, and she rushes into town to steal the affidavit. Steal it she does, but not before Serena accuses Ben of taking said affidavit. Which, in my opinion, Ben should have said, "Darn right I took it. I earned that affidavit," but this is Serena and no one ever tells her off like she deserves. So Ben's momma has the affidavit, which she then, I assume, sells to Russell... and he uses it to blackmail Lily and Chuck into giving up Bass Industries. Chuck arranges for Raina to overhear Russell blackmailing him and Lily, and Raina runs to Nate, disappointed in both Chuck and her father. Why is this man so bent on tearing up Bart Bass's legacy?

Bad, bad, Bart Bass: Remember in season... some season before now... when Chuck found out that Bart had burned down a building and someone had died? Yeah, I didn't either... luckily they reminded us, and I had some vague recollections of the story. Well, included in the higher-than-estimated body count was Thorpe's wife, Raina's mother. Aaaah... Chuck connests the dots and realizes that this legacy he was trying to protect is all in his mind. His father was indeed just a bad man, and probably deserves whatever he gets, alive and posthumously.

Confessions of a dangerous momma: To protect Chuck's legacy, not Bart's... Lily goes to confess to the forging of the affidavit. By doing so, she takes the power away from Russell, Damien, and Ben's momma... so we can say goodbye to those losers. And just because nothing on GG is ever easy, Serena and Ben break up anyway. Serena has serious mother issues. And daddy issues. And obviously step-brother issues. But nevertheless, Rufus accompanies Lily to the PD, while Serena and Ben discuss their lives and how they don't match up. Well, that was fun and useless. Oh, and William Van der Woodson showed up... hmmmm.

I need my Blair: After Serena is dumped by her flavor-of-the-minute, she goes to soak away her blues in what I assume is liquor more expensive than my car. Chuck joins her, after learning of his father's murderous past. Chuck laments about how the only person he can talk to is Blair... and he leaves to find her. Serena tails behind, because of course her boy problems are of equal importance.

And finally: While everyone else on the UES has been dealing with murder, fraud, and sex offender status, Blair and Dan have been contemplating their relationship. Dan shows up at the Waldorf resident demanding one kiss... just to see if it reveals any stronger feelings. Blair seems completely on board with this idea and finally grabs Lonely Boy to do the honor. And all this while Chuck and Serena are in-route to the house... Did C and S see the kiss? Did D and B like it?

We'll see April 18th!

I always have time for a scheme

This was the best episode in weeks... months maybe!

It started off with the Queen B berating her minions over Skype... and being that I love Blair and I love Skype... I knew I'd be a happy camper.

Blair has no doubt bitten off more than she can chew at W. I could tell from the first sight that there would be a Post-It mix up disaster, and it did not fail to deliver. It also cam as no surprise that Serena busted into Blair's place of employment asking for her help. Now, Serena has commented on every episode since Christmas that Blair is "too busy" and has "too much going on," but S deemed it appropriate to pile one more thing on her? Serena's selfishness never ceases to amaze me. But Blair is an undeniable over-achiever, and an addict of schemes... so of course she accepted.

The scheme? To get Eric off the hook for a $100,000 drug deal that somehow involved tulips. Damien was blackmailing Eric to complete this drug deal, by saying that if the drugs were not delivered, Lily would be outed as the forger that she is! Now, I watch Gossip Girl enough to know that the Van der Woodsons can buy themselves out of any trouble... so I don't understand why all the hoops are being jumped through to keep Lily out of trouble. I know what I'd do... I'd call that judge and blackmail HIM into making the whole situation disappear... or I'd pimp Serena out to a Senator and take some pictures, and just nip this thing in the bud from the TOP!

Moving on... In other news, Dan pops in to save the day for Blair at W. Really, he is just trying to take her to lunch as a thank you for reading his article, but come on... we both know they are just making excuses to see each other now. So Blair gives him an assignment: to complete whatever is written on a certain Post-it. Of course Dan messes it up and grabs the Post-It that says "Pick up tulips." And thus, Dan is turned into an unknowing drug mule.

BUT! Blair hasn't been sleeping well, and she wrote the wrong color tulips on the Post-It... so Dan is actually just a flower delivery boy. That seems fitting for the boy from Brooklyn.

Elsewhere in the UES, the Thorpe takeover of Bass industries is getting close. Lily and Chuck stage a fake fight, so that Russell thinks his plan of divide and conquer is working. Lily then takes Russ out to lunch, while Chuck breaks into his offices using the codes that the Captain embezzled last week.

Meanwhile, Nate is babysitting Raina, so that she doesn't bust Chuck for B&E... and so Nate can talk Chuck up and she will fall back in love with him. Chuck, I love you... and I would always pick you over Nate... but maybe not pick such a hot friend to entertain your love interest next time. Nate and Raina end up playing Wii, eating Ice Cream, and making all kinds of memories all day... and by the end of the day, she couldn't have picked Chuck out of a line-up.

This pairing makes more sense to me anyway. Nate needs a story, and they actually have some chemistry... as much as you can have with a robot like Raina. I want Chuck good and single when Blair and Dan finally hook up... because I want him to lose it... and so, he doesn't need any distractions.

Back to the tulips for drugs scenario... It just happens to be Eric's 18th birthday, and Lily has planned a piñata laden theme party for a lot of his friends who have never before been seen on the show. Well, other than Damien, who busted in and demanded his hundred grand for the drug deal gone bad. Serena and Eric immediately go to opening all of his birthday gifts to find his trust fund (how do you wrap a trust fund?) so that he can pay Damien and make this all go away. Lily busts them mid-check and finally takes some responsibility... she will pay Damien. Wow, bad guys never win on GG.

Ben makes like the good ex-con he is and threatens Damien into giving back the money. Vanessa witnesses this altercation, but lucky for Ben, everyone hates Vanessa, so there is no one she can tell. But Damien runs right to Russell Thorpe and offers him information on the VDW/Basses in exchange for $100,000... Damien needs to learn- ask for $200,000 and make a profit! Geeze. That's why you're a drug dealer and not a businessman.

Back to Dan and Blair... Blair is exhausted, just like her pseudo-boyfriend has been telling her all day, and she has forgotten to write the blog she was assigned. She discovers it has been written, and she knows it was Dan. She jets over to the loft to thank him, and they end up eating pizza and watching A Philadelphia Story.

Oh, and Blair had on two different shoes all episode, which apparently in the UES is the same as being completely naked. I thought they looked fine as a pair. Better than anything Vanessa wears.

Valentine's Vendetta

Serena has turned into a Real Housewife of New York City. She doesn't work. She contributes nothing to society. She thinks she is too cool for the press. She started the episode in a men's oxford, begging B to skip work and go to the spa. She then inserted her foot into her mouth by assuming that the recently released sex-offender had landed a new job with another teenager... does she use her brain? Ever? And then sabotages Blair's big interview with Raina... and why? To protect her? B may buy that, but I don't. Serena thinks she knows so much more than everyone else... even though she has never made a good decision as long as I have known her :)

Chuck needs to settle this mess with the Thorpes. And fast. It is boring, redundant, and I know that it is going to be absolutely pointless to the story once it is over. There is no one that has ever watched one Gossip Girl episode that thinks Chuck is going to possible end up with Raina... or that Russell Thorpe is going to stay on this show past Easter. I have issues with new-comers in real life, I grant you, so it is understandable that it carries over to television... However, I was a complete fan of the Uncle Jack, Olivia, Juliet, and Georgina story lines.... because they actually made a difference. It's something that the main characters can refer back to from time to time. But the Thorpes, they are right up there with Bree Buckley and Agnes Andrews (look it up and realize how much you've forgotten).

Blair spends this whole episode trying to succeed at her never-would-really-happen job. First she has to land an interview with an It Girl, so she picks Raina. Here's my issue with that. 1) I don't like Raina. 2) If Raina is such an It Girl, why did Chuck Bass, ladies man extraordinaire, not recognize her the first time they met? If Chuck Bass didn't know her, no one who reads W is going to know her. Now, of course Blair is just doing this so she can be privy to Chuck's big Valentine's Night. And, of course this completely blows up in her face. But not before Serena talks Raina out of the interview AND makes Blair seem pathetic by not being over Chuck. She then films an interview about how she likes to keep her private life private (i.e. bringing her ex-con pedophile to a big party every weekend). The good ole Queen B did appear though, and publicly dispelled Serena's stupid belief that Ben was tutoring, when in fact, he was serving drinks that even Lonely Boy has become to good for.

Dan shows up to the W party for reasons that I am not completely aware. But, nonetheless, he is there, and it does provide an opportunity for us all to get our Dair on. He and Blair are talking in the "Venice" room that Chuck has built for Raina, but one C and R come in, D and B must hide in what is the largest closet I have ever seen (there was a nice size couch!). Once inside, they overhear Chuck profess his feelings to Raina, including how sacred she is to him. Blair must have felt like a big ole piece of poo. It wasn't eons ago that Chuck traded Blair to Jack for a hotel, and now he is telling Raina that he will give that hotel up for HER? Bull-oh-knee. Don't believe it for a minute. But, Blair must have for a second, because she was holding Lonely Boy's hand for comfort. The episode ends with Blair and Dan watching Rosemary's Baby over the phone... too cute.

The supporting cast, which I'm sorry to say now includes Nate, had little going on. Nate is still talking to the Chief about how he needs to get a job, but not THAT job... Rufus is still getting accustomed to the new leash law... and Nate's dad did finally get fired, but not before he committed another felony and gave Chuck the key codes for Thorpe's offices. The only person whose story contributed to the overall scene was Eric... who, after volunteering at a soup kitchen, met Damien in a dark alley... and I don't mean in any way that Eric might enjoy.

Nuns and Nazis

I'm just going to put this out there.

This week's episode sucked.

What? It did!

Reasons? Well, I'm glad you asked.

1. Who moved my Chair? There is no way, NO WAY, that Blair would be okay with Chuck having "relations" with someone else... much less trying to set up such "relations". The only part of this scenario I actually bought was when Chuck and Blair were on the phone and C told B to "watch it" or something of that nature. I'm insulted that the writers expect me to forget the passion... the love... the jealousy, that so defines Chuck and Blair. It disgusts me. Ugh.

2. Really? Another party? I don't live in New York. I don't work at a big time magazine. So, forgive me if these things actually happen, but why is W having another party so soon? And why, in the world, would Dan and Blair be allowed to attend? Didn't they WRESTLE at the last party? This is one of the major plot holes that GG has: they try to convince the viewer that this is a lifestyle that is unattainable but for the high and mighty... but they seem to let any Tom, Dick, and Ex-Con in at the door. I don't buy the exclusivity, and therefore, the parties always seem more immature than inaccessible.

3. You mean the drug dealer isn't an honest man? Who would have thunk it? Damien is not a good person? I never would have guessed that. All I have to go on is the selling drugs and all his past indiscretions. Oh, you say I should have known? Yes, I should have. Good one Dan and Eric. Idiots.

4. Raina on my parade. I could not, and will not, get on board the Chuck and Raina Traina. The back and forth of "he's using her" and "he loves her"... Truth is, I didn't fully buy either one. I was left feeling more confused and ambivalent towards the whole story. They hid in the same place? Bogus. He's willing to give up his hotel for her? Bull. I can not stand this story and I want her to leave.

5. Serena and Ben. They don't deserve a cute name or a witty lead-in. They are boring. Selfish. So Serena and Rufus worked up this idea of Dan and Ben being roommates? I don't blame Dan one bit for being pissed. I wouldn't want to live with him either! Not too mention that Serena is his sista-lovah, but the guy is kind of a creeper. Sure, he's not technically a sex offender, but he is weird. "You put Max Cady in the living room." -Dan's Cape Fear reference was the #2 quote of the night.

6. Un. Be. Liev. Able. There is no way. No way to Sunday, that Blair would get Epilepsy's job. No way. LAST WEEK- Blair was wrestling with Dan in front of the Editor. I love Blair. I think she could run the country. But would she be given the chance after she Salahi'ed the State Dinner? No. So, be clear... it's not that I don't think Blair can do the job, and do it well... but this whole scenario is redic.

Also unbelievable, but surprisingly not that surprising... Nate's favorite movie is Sound of Music?? Hmmm... of course, Nate has been so uber-boring lately that this actually made me like him. I had forgotten what it was like for Nate's character to have any depth. I had written him off as simply a pawn for Chair and Derena. Of course, this little gem of knowledge provided me with maybe my favorite line of 2011... "It's got nuns and Nazis!"

Did everyone hate this episode? Am I just a snarky, miserable idividual?

Doesn't Count

I've been terribly bored and disappointed with GG lately. I'm not sure if the problem lies with my general snarky attitude towards life right now, or if the writing has gotten truly sucky... but either way, I live blogged while watching this week's episode. Translated: I watched and listened, but all I could truly hear are sarcastic comments coming from my mind. Those are included below.

Blair: "A lot of mascara for a friend."
Serena: "Well, you and I both know I don't have any real friends. Just boys that I use up and throw away. Oh, and you remind me of Don Draper."
Blair: "Why? Because I have a job and you live here and mooch off me?"

Lily: "I can't believe my kids haven't forgiven me for forging their names and selling their companies."

Ben: "I'm moving to Vanessa's compound in Ithaca."
Serena: "I've heard Ithaca is beautiful."
Ben: "Really?"
Serena: "No. I've never heard of Ithaca at all. Is it in Europe?"

Blair: "Going to movies is a one or four time thing. We are not friends."
Dan: "You are such a girl."
Blair: "You are such a boy."
Dan: "Let's make out."
Blair: "Don't get your hopes up."

Damien: "I'm sorry Juliet tried to kill you."
Serena: "You are a bad person. All bad people's names are illiterate."
Damien: "Do you mean alliterative? Because my names both start with D?"
Serena: "I don't know my letters yet. And don't correct me. When are you going to learn that what you does hurts people?"
Damien: "Didn't you kill someone?"
Serena: "Doesn't count."

Epilepsy: "Welcome to W. Which stands for We have a lot of parties."

Serena: "This halfway house is just one step up from jail. Why don't they put all ex-cons up in the plaza like the Colonel?"

Dan: "I'm going to pull your hair."
Blair: "I'm going to tell."
Dan: "We are going to make out."
Blair: "Whatev. But yes."

Lily: "Eric you are a liar."
Eric: "I got it from you."
Lily: "Decorem."
Eric: "What?"
Lily: "Class."
Eric: "Are you just using synonyms to try to get me to quit calling you out?"
Lily: "Grace. Bye."

Dan: "I didn't date Serena for two years and not know those are Marc Jacobs and mustard."
(I actually just loved that line.)

(As well as...)
Blair: "Look! It's Georgina's baby."

Nate: "Where have you been?"
Captian: "You're not the boss of me."
Nate: "If you are going to live in Chuck's hotel, then you are going to obey my rules."
Commander: "Fine. I got a job with the new black people."
Nate: "Is that against your probation?"
Lieutenant Colonel: "Probation? I am on PAROLE! Probation is for petty crimes."
Nate: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
Chief Dog Catcher: "I just want respect. I am good at what I do. And what I do is commit Class A felonies."

Rufus: "Open your mail Lily."
Lily: "No."
Serena: "Open it."
Lily: "It's my taxes."
Serena opens it.
Lily: "Dignity. Polite. Reputation."
Rufus: "What?"
Lily: "I am rolling my eyes because I am rich and morally corrupt, but I KNOW my synonyms!"

Dan: "My author has awards."
Blair: "Mine has more."
Dan: "I stalk Stefano and his niece."
Blair: "Crap. I should've thought of that."

Blair: "I am going around the world to say that Dan is attractive and interesting."
Serena: "Listen to me, B. I make good choices."
Blair: "When?"
Serena: "One time. Not today. I wore satellite dishes as earrings today."

Damien: "Hello Mr. Donovan."
Ben: "Damien Delgard."
Damien: "You say potato judge says pedohile."
Ben: "I didn't say potato."
Damien: "Muahahahaha."

Rufus: "Lly means well."
Eric: "She ruins everything."
Rufus: "Yeah."

Literal gay drama.

Serena: "My brother doesn't hang out with drug."
Ben: "There he is with Doctor Evil... I mean Damien."
Serena: "I won't believe it until I see it with my own eyes."
Ben: "You are seeing it now."
Serena: "You should talk to him. Rufus is a good dad, and Dan's a good brother... but I think what Eric needs right now is to hear from an ex-con who had an innapropriate relationship with his sister and then tried to have her killed."

Raina: "I always tel the truth."
Chuck: "What about when you said you were a secretary?"
Raina: "Doesn't count."

Epilepsy: "Welcome to the W party, where W stands for Wrestling! Take it away interns!"

Nate: "I am not going to tell you again... you cannot work there."
Captain Kangaroo: "I'm good at what I do! I want to earn an honest living."
Nate: "Didn't you get caught embezzling?"
SGA President: "Doesn't count."

Ben: "Hello. I am Mr. Rogers. Here is a lesson."
Eric: "Who are you?"
Ben: "I am Serena's friend."
Eric: "Didn't you try to kill my sister?"
Ben: "Doesn't count."

Rufus: "How did I get in this party?"

Dan: "Epilepsy, please give Blair her job back so she will make out with me."

Rufus: "Ben I am going to move you in my loft without asking my son."
Ben: "That sounds like a great idea."
Rufus: "Here are my keys. Take them back to the house full of ex-cons."

Ben: "Stay away from Serena."
Damien: "Make me."
Ben: "I will tell your dad on you."
Damien: "You like Serena! Na na na boo boo."

The Kids Are Not All White

Diversify Your Interests: Well, it seems as though Jesse Jackson has been emailing Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, because we finally got some African American folks on GG this week! Yeah, sure, Vanessa is definitely not "white"... but she is more of a Tiger Woods cocktail of ethnicity, and that can only hold the NAACP over for so long. So, this week, we got a new power family- the Thorpes- and they are full blooded AAs. I have to admit, I had never noticed that there weren't any prominent black people on this show, that is now in it's 4th season. But now that they are there, I do ask... Why have there not been? Kudos Jesse, this needed to happen.

Lily in the Valley: So this week, we see the aftermath of Lily's betrayal or deceit or whatever word-of-the-day Serena has learned lately. S is pissed because her mom forged her name on an affidavit, and Chuck is trying to save his father's legacy. Okay, let's pause for a moment. In the midst of all this anger toward Momma L, it seems that Serena has forgotten that Ben is the one that sent Juliet to, what? kill her? And, it looks like Chuck has some delusions of grandeur about the relationship he had with Bart Bass. I can agree that Lily uses some underhanded methods of "taking care" of things, but I do wish everyone would just chill the heck out for a minute and let the grownups handle things. I've expressed in this blog before how ridiculous it is that Serena is so offended that her mom would ASSUME she slept with her teacher... Did they watch the episode of Serena and Ben at the library hotel, or restaurant, or strip mall or whatever the heck that place was... after her tire blew out? I don't know, but she seemed pretty intent on sleeping with her teacher. Yeah, sure, he's had to be in prison, bla bla bla. Get over it, S. Now, onto Chuck... I don't talk badly about Chucky. BUT, I was not his biggest fan in this episode. While I understand his desire to save his money- ahem, I mean his father's legacy- he came across childish by teaming up with Serena. And, as much as I would melt at the sound of, "I'm Chuck Bass," I didn't like how he said it and acted when he was at Thorpe's office. I am not a fan of this new pairing, but we will cover that later.

Commander and Chief: For some reason, when I start to write here, I can never remember if they call Nate's dad The Captain or The Commander... either way, it's stupid. This week, we watched The Non-Captain and/or Non-Commander play some Wii Tennis and then skip a couple of interviews. He somehow managed to get into what appeared to be an invitation-only party, and then somehow managed to get a job out of it. He told Nate that he wanted to remind people that before all the S (and I don't mean Serena) hit the fan, he was good at what he did. Well, yeah, you were, but so was Bernie Madoff. Everyone is good until they're not. And then they're just thieves who stole their friends' money. And I'm sorry, but there is no way that these people would say, "Sure, you swindled me out of millions, but you did make me a couple of thousand before that... ok, here's my account number!" Bogus. I can all but guarantee that this new partnership is not going to end well for anyone involved.

Do We Dair: FYI, I am going to use the word "Dair" in this blog every week, so just get ready. I love Dan. Yes, he can be annoying and self righteous, and just down right pathetic at times, but I love him. And don't even get me started on Blair. Obsessed doesn't begin to describe it. I don't know that I can get behind a love fest for these two, but I definitely think they add a new chemistry that I'd like to explore. Some angry make-out sessions would be nice. I am bored with Dan and Serena, and while my end goal is a big Chair wedding, I can definitely handle some Dair in the mean time. Even if it is just as friends. But hopefully more. But not TOO much more. But more. Love it.

My Year in Time Well Wasted

2010 has been a great year. Well, for me. I can’t speak for anyone else. In fact, I know a lot of people who thought that 2010 sucked. But this is my blog, and I think 2010 was AWESOME!

Maybe it’s because, for me, 2009 sucked. Sucked hard.

I lost my job.

My uncle died.

I had major surgery.

I spent 16 days in the hospital.

I had to wear a “drain” for 56 days.

I literally celebrated Christmas and New Year’s with toxic bodily fluids strapped to the outside of my body.

The only positive in this situation?

The only place to go is up!!

So, to commemorate what has kept me in high spirits this year, this is a list of the top 5 things that kept my mind happy and busy during 2010.

(Note: this list does not include any boring things like family or my new job- which I got in January)

Ranked in order of time spent thinking/reading/watching:

5. Musicals: Thanks in a large part to GLEE, my love for musicals has been renewed. I’ve always liked music and movies/television… so of course I am going to love anything that combines the two! This year, I channeled that love of random-bursts-of-emotion-in-song to off Broadway. (Or perhaps it is off-off-Broadway since this is the dirty south?) I went to see the Wizard of Oz in Birmingham in April, where I rambled on and on pre-show about how much I love the munchkins and little people in general. Unbeknownst to me, there was indeed a littler person (not quite a total little person) sitting two seats down from me. Needless to say, they found seats elsewhere during intermission. But nonetheless, it was a wonderful show, with scenes and songs that were cut from the movie. Then, in May, I went to see Mary Poppins in Atlanta. It was splendid. I did get chastised by an usher because I was taking pictures, but the show itself was superb. It differed from the Disney classic, but in all the right places.

4. Train: The band, not the mode of transportation. I have loved Train since I was 14 years old. I feel like I need to say that now, because I would never want anyone to think I jumped on the “Hey, Soul Sister” bandwagon. I did not. I was driving this bandwagon long before anyone had even heard “Drops of Jupiter.” Now, with that out of the way, I did enjoy the success of Train this year. You know that feeling when your favorite song comes on the radio? Even though you could easily switch the radio off and turn on the CD, there is just something about hearing it by chance over the airwaves. Imagine that, times about 100. They covered “Soul Sister” on GLEE and the Sing-Off, and sampled it on commercials for everything from washing machines to Reebok. I couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing the lovely and talented Pat Monahan hitting notes that I couldn’t hit when I was 5. I saw them live in Orange Beach in August, and they did not disappoint. “Soul Sister” is not my favorite song on their album, but when Pat held the microphone out and let the crowd sing the chorus, I died. I died.

3. Gossip Girl: When you are coming off of a drama high in real life, the only thing to ease you back into normal society is a little hair-of-the-dog that I refer to as GG. We started out 2010, by wrapping up Season 3. Chuck found his mother, but she wasn’t his mother (but she was). Lily has cancer, but she doesn’t. Rufus cheated on Lily, but he didn’t. So, in other words, a lot of story with no purpose. But, then… the greatest cliff hanger in GG’s short history. Chuck is shot in the streets of Prague and left for dead. Gasp! With a ring he was going to use to propose to Blair. Presh. Then, in the first part of Season 4, we get to catch up with all the UES, and see Serena in awful Parisian clothes. If you want to read about it, click here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, or here. I look forward to Mondays ONLY because of GG, and that has been very beneficial in getting me back to the productive world of the employed.

2. Auburn Football: You can’t live in Alabama and not love, or at least like, football. As an Auburn Alum, this has been a great year. I was enrolled at and living in Auburn in 2004, the last time we went undefeated and thought we were going to play for the National Title. So, this year has seemed like a “do over” for me. We finally get to play for the big one, and I almost hope they’ll let Tubs and Cadillac watch from the sidelines. Auburn has always been the red-headed step child in the state of Alabama, because really, who can compete with Alabama’s 13 titles or Bear Bryant’s legacy? No one, honestly. And I can say that, as an Auburn fan. But this year, the Tigers adopted a team slogan, “Do What We Do,” and that’s exactly what they did. They didn’t attempt to be Bama, they were just Auburn. And they won. And then they won again. And again. And before you knew it, they had moved from a preseason ranking of 22, to numero uno, practicing for the big game. Not to mention, along the way, Cam Newton was breaking records like they were tackles and racked up the university’s third Heisman Trophy. Gene Chizik has endeared himself to the Auburn Family, and the Tigers are finally getting to taste the victory and recognition that was denied the 2004 team. War Eagle!

1. Real Housewives… of Wherever: I have a theory- you’re definitely addicted to the Real Housewives franchise if you watch RHO Atlanta or New Jersey. Well, I watch BOTH, so I am beyond intervention. Literally- my DVR Season Pass Manager’s first 7 spots read:

1. Gossip Girl

2. Real Housewives of NYC

3. Real Housewives of OC

4. Real Housewives of Atlanta

5. Real Housewives of NJ

6. Real Housewives of DC

7. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I have a problem, and I acknowledge it. But I can’t, nor do I want to, stop. I can’t recap them all here, because, MY LORD, where would I start? In short, the girls from NYC went on a trip to Scary Island; they got evicted and divorced in the OC; someone gave birth to a full term baby at 7 months in the ATL; the NJ girls pulled out each other’s weave; they crashed White House parties in DC; and then we were introduced to what is sure to be the best RH of the whole franchise- Beverly Hills. These women have REAL money, are (for the most part) REAL housewives, and can throw down some REAL drama. I love it. So much. Too much.

Cindy Lou Who

My family was watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" last night, and my mother says,

"That little girl is so cute. What does she do now?"

I think that is what it would feel like to tell your child there is no Santa Claus.

Serena can have no visitors. Oh, Juliet, come on in

As a whole, I thought this was a good "cliff hanger" episode. It didn't leave me hanging on, mouth wide open in surprise, like the season finale with Chuck left for dead in the street... but it will keep my interest in the show for a month, which was probably the point.

Ben there, done that: (Am I the only one who, after seeing this picture, thought he was a priest? I am? Okay, moving on.) So they never sealed the deal; he was still acting super inappropriate with a student. Should it have warranted jail time? Doubt it. But he definitely shouldn’t have been teaching anymore. I just refuse to accept that Serena is some Helen of Troy that entrances men into giving up everything they have ever cared about. Her little, “He’s the only man that has ever turned me down,” line made me about vomit. I searched through my memory of GG trying to prove her wrong. Okay, so yeah, maybe he is. But what are we supposed to think? Kudos to Ben for not being a pedophile? This wasn’t last summer. She wasn’t a freshman in college. If I’m doing the math right, she was, what, 16? They shouldn’t have been driving to libraries or whatever it is they were doing. And it is insulting, to me as a viewer, that the writers keep forcing this Academic Career of Serena’s. I refuse to believe that she went from inventing drinks and getting smashed in the middle of the day, to visiting libraries, in what? A day? A week? Come on. Serena has an Academic Career as much as I have a Tennis Career. And I’ve only won one tennis match in my life. When my opponent didn’t show.

Regarding Serena: I have always been more Team Blair, than Team Serena, so this should come as no surprise: Serena gets on my nerves. In real life, I love Blake Lively; she's chill, gorgeous, and a pretty good actress. But I cannot stand Serena 90% of the time. She seems to be aloof and a tad too self assured. Of course, Serena is just as gorgeous as Blake, obviously, but S has this attitude of, “everyone always assumes the worst about me and I don’t know why.” Well, I know why- Because by the age of 16 you were a mini Tara Reid, running around Manhattan in designer gowns and flasks full of Courvoisier, taking V-cards and murdering drug dealers. One stint at a boarding school and a couple of studious boyfriends does not a “good girl” make. Not to mention, now that we have flash backed to her days at Cornwall, we know she wasn’t reformed by going to boarding school. If watching a man die at your hands, even if unintentionally, and even if he was a pretty sleazy guy to begin with, doesn’t end Party Time, then I would probably be on the “Serena Will Never Change” bandwagon, too. So, we are so sorry Princess Serena. We do assume the worst. But most of the time we are correct.

Rufus, you keep your mouth shut and bring me a scotch: Wow. Rufus is a wussy. Yeah, Lily is an all around bad person, but I was more turned off by Rufus’ tattling. For those that need a recap: Three years ago, Lily forged Serena’s signature on an affidavit (someone is losing their Notary stamp), thus sending a man to prison for statutory rape. And recently, she has made plans to sell Bass Industries, without telling the only heir (Chuck). However, the line of the night, for me, came from Mrs. Van der Woodson Bass Humphrey herself: When Wimpy Rufus said “Don’t you have something to tell Chuck?” and Lily responds with, “If I had something I wanted Chuck to know, I would have told him.” It was very deliciously evil, and it just slapped that little househusband in the FACE! Rufus was annoying this whole episode- questioning Lily’s drinking habits (albeit was hardly noon), and then going over her head to call her out in front of Chuck… has the phrase, “Can I talk to you in private?” never been uttered on the UES? What if she had some awesome plan that was going to help Chuck? What if it had been Chuck’s idea? Sheesh, Rufie, way to be a baby.

Good Luck Chuck: This kid cannot catch a break. First, his dad berates him his whole life. Then, Jack tries to steal the hotel and his girl. His momma lies and leaves him. And now Lily has betrayed him. I know he is going to New Zealand to find Uncle Jack, and I am wondering what that will bring with it. But overall, there was not a lot of Chuck Bass in this episode, and we need to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

NAiveTЀ: Bless him. The boy has a heart of gold, but a brain of… well gold, but only because it is the most malleable element. The only thing that is harder to believe than Serena being concerned about her Academic Career is the fact that this Golden Boy doesn’t still believe in Santa. I get whiplash every episode trying to keep up with which side of an issue Nate is on; he switches teams (and I’m not referring to his relationship with Dan) with every new piece of info. Then, finally, but only after his mother all but says, “I am shallow, let it go,” he sides with the Commander or Captain or whatever pseudo-military nickname they call Mr. Archibald, and they plan to move into The Empire. I’m not sure who his parole officer is, but I can’t imagine living in Chuck Bass’s man cave is on any list of acceptable housing.

Do We Dair?: Dan and Blair? Is this going to happen? Would Chuck be more offended by this, or the Blair/Jack tryst that STILL hasn’t come out? I love Blair and Dan’s chemistry, but I don’t know that it would translate into a romance. Their road trip was wonderful, and I was cracking up at Damian riding in the backseat, while they were only talking to each other. However, their relationship hinges on loathing and judgment, so I can’t see how it would work if those were removed. Could it be just a “non-friends” with benefits? Maybe. But love? No. This is what I am most looking forward to in the New Year.

Great Lines:

"I wouldn't know how to feel. I would never do something like that." Worst Therapist Ever

“So long, friends. Dan.” Chuck Bass

“Eric, somewhere between a Marlins jersey and the absolute truth lies the better part of decorum.” Lily van der Woodson Bass Humphrey

“That's why we're going to end this experiment in middle class living and then call the housekeeper to clean up.” Nate Archibald

“I'm out buying you some new clothes. I know you've been locked away for awhile, but no one's wearing orange this season.” Nate Archibald

“You can't show up at a masked ball and not expect at least one social climbing doppelganger to try and impersonate you.” Blair Waldorf

Try to make me go to rehab, and I say, "No, no... okay I'll go."

Dorota is adorable. She and her baby are the cutest things on the UES right now... including Blair and Serena's clothes. (Was Blair wearing a table cloth? I love plaid, but that looked almost plastic.)

I cannot believe that Vanessa sold out Jenny. Why wouldn't she just blame it on Juliet? It would be just as plausible and wouldn't risk her relationship with the Humphreys. If I was Jessica Szohr I would go egg the writers' houses for making me such a loser this year.

Speaking of Juliet... you go to ALL that trouble to set Serena up, then you just leave the mask in your apartment? After she knows that Jenny and Vanessa and Nate all know where she lives... And her doorman sucks.

I swear Vanessa has gone running back to the commune 100 times this season. Just stay there. You're of no use to the show and its various plot lines anyway.

Nate got over Serena in a hurry.

So the Captain is faking for the parole hearing? Either way, this once again proves that Nate is the most gullible human being on the planet.

Chuck was kinda mean to Blair in the limo... I didn't really understand that. It seemed too forced to me. I didn't catch what her note said with the pumpkin pie. (And yes I have TiVo, but I'm lazier than you think.) My BFF Tallyho informed me that it said "Just because we can't be friends, doesn't mean we aren't. B" Presh.

I thought it was funny how defensive and offended Serena was that no one believed her, and then she saw a picture of someone snorting coke and was like, "Yeah, I'm a screw up." I don't blame any person in her life for not believing her in the first place, but I'm watching through a TV and even I could tell that wasn't Blake Lively's hair in the picture. ((Remember in the Traveling Pants books, how B's hair was like a thing of glory? Well there's a reason Blake got that role. She has a gorgeous mane, and Juliet's dyed hair looks nothing like it.))

Chuck talks like Batman. I notice it more each week.

Jenny is gross. I would bet she smells.

Introducing Mrs. Nate Humphrey

I attempted to "live blog" while watching Gossip Girl this week. It was pretty successful. Before I publish though, I may add a bit here and there (in blue). Enjoy...

• I laughed out loud when Nate said, "It's not like I've been doodling Mrs. Nate Humphrey." Best line of the episode. The dynamic of Nate and Dan is awesome.
• Serena still hasn't chosen? Seriously? It's annoying now.
• Vanessa sucks now. She's whiny and vindictive and pathetic. I used to love Vanessa. She was an individual, independent, and a breath of fresh air to all the UES drama. But now, she just follows Dan around like a little puppy.
• Has Columbia always been Serena's dream? It is insulting that the writers all of a sudden write Serena to be this studious career driven woman. Bull.
• Finally, Lily gets some screen time. She was a good momma bear with the dean.
• Dan and Nate are gayer than Eric and his bf. But I love them.
• Ugh, Jenny's back. Why does Serena hate Jenny? Is it because Jenny sent out that GG blast that broke up Nate and Serena? I lose track.
• So Anne Archibald can be married to a man in prison, and it's okay for her to run Girls, Inc. But Blair is not suitable if she's with Chuck? Didn't Chuck just donate a ton of money to whatever charity Eva chose? Ridic. This was the biggest plot hole of this episode. Even bigger than that Dan nor Nate could recognize Serena's kissies.
• I loved that Chuck and Blair were getting pedicures at the same time.
• Chuck's face when he said ILY was the best Chuck face ever. He's getting hotter.
• What other teacher was S with? Is it Ben? I'm starting to connect dots, but I don't know if it is the right dots. But I'm pretty sure it is.
• Why does Serena keep wearing blazers? Again, we know she is not a career woman. Let it go.
• Dan is fine. As of today I think he's hotter than Nate.
• Juliet is bossy. Vanessa is acting like her little biotch.
• Lily is right. Serena is a screw up.
• The guy at the door doesn't know Serena? Whatev. Her picture was in the NY Post THAT morning!
• I loved when "Serena" (who I am really wishing they would clarify was Juliet as opposed to Jenny) kissed Dan, and he said "Tell Nate I'm sorry." and then whispered, "Not sorry enough to want you to change your mind." I laughed out loud again. Dan and Nate were the shining stars of this episode.
• Chuck is beautiful. Seriously. Even though he talks like Bruce Wayne. Or Batman. Did Bruce talk like that even without the mask?
• Is it really THAT big of a deal that Chuck and Blair be together? I mean, he's not a Nazi; he's not trying to build a mosque on Ground Zero. I would think her being friends with Serena would be worse than being with Chuck.
• It pissed me off that Blair didn't call Anne out about her hubby being in JAIL!!!! What happened to my beloved Blair? And Chuck was okay enough to be Anne's son's best friend? Really, the biggest plot hole.
• If Girls, Inc. had picked Serena over Blair, I would have written the CW a letter.
  Wow. Smart move S. Insult Eric. The ONE person who is not mad at you right now.
  Blair is not going to like being "Chuck Bass' Girlfriend." They broke up 1 minute after I typed this.
• Does Vanessa say Brookland? As opposed to Brooklyn? I swear I hear a D.
• Are Nate and Dan about to make out? I thought at the very least they were about to hold hands.
• How did Juliet get Serena upstairs? Is she kidnapping her?
• My prediction (based on the fact that they kissed in the preview for next week): Serena picks Dan. But then again, it is Serena.

Systematic Bullying!!

I enjoyed last night's episode. I thought it was immature, sexy, and vindictive... exactly how GG is supposed to be. I have to admit that when they were all outside of the Ballet circling Juliet like a pack of angry pirahnas, I could hear Kelly Killoren Bensimon screaming at the UES about how "systematic bullying is never okay." But I loved it! In honor of the UES (and the Brooklynites) all returning to true form, I'll take them one-by-one.

Naturally first, Serena: It is safe to say that we could take one of those Men In Black memory erasers, block out everything that has happened this season thus far (as it pertains to S), and we would be caught up! Dan or Nate? Nate or Dan? Boob or leg? Both, you say? Okay! This girl has issues. I think I would like S more if she would embrace her inability to commit to one man and just be the "free spirit" that she was in Paris. I prefer Dan, because even though he is safe, being with a Brooklynite (and her step brother) would be rebellious, and that suits Serena better than being the next Mrs. Archibald. But, back to THIS episode: the whiplash I get from her Dan-Nate-{substitute random guy's name} triangles should entitle me to a nice insurance settlement. I didn't really follow the logic of the breakup with Colin... unless the forbidden love was the only thing that drew them to each other; without the secrecy, it's boring. I do agree that she was only with Colin to avoid choosing between Dan and Nate, but she never seemed upset enough, to me, when they were with Vanessa and Juliet. If you're really THAT hung up on a (couple of) guy(s), you're not going to be able to hang out with them and their new girlfriend. I think Serena's ability to be head over heels in love with a guy, at the drop of a hat, is what irritates me the most. That and her insistence on saying "academic career" once an episode. And sometimes her voice.

Nathaniel: Nate, in my opinion, is the underdog in the Nate vs. Dan war (even though they couldn't act like they were less at war). Of course, he's the obvious choice, but it's Serena we're talking about here, so of course she's not going to pick him. The thing I like least about Nate is his naivete, and the urgency with which he acts on said naivete. Let me break down this episode: 1.Nate finds that Juliet was lying, so he immediately goes to Vanessa to acknowledge that she is innocent and they create a secret opps team 2.Juliet tells him that she washes her own hair and shops at Ikea and he immediately forgives her and abandons Vanessa 3.He sees Jul and V in action at the Ballet and immediately falls back in love with Serena 4.He immediately walks to Serena's building and professes his love for her, even thought she just ignored his phone call. Nate! You're gorgeous! You're rich! You're gorgeous! Did anyone else wonder why he didn't question Juliet about the sex-for-grades accusation that Vanessa took the fall for? Did anyone wonder why Nate Archibald was walking around Manhattan by himself? Did anyone else rewind to hear if Nate's cover story was really "Chuck is asking where the batteries are"? Did anyone think to, oh I don't know, ASK WHY BEN IS IN JAIL?

Lonely Boy: Dan is back in true Lonely Boy fashion. "I would have done anything for you." "You are worth more than a guest lecture at Columbia." Dan, ease up buddy. All this sap is making your hair curl. Oh, you did that on purpose? Moving on... I do however, think Dan's "Watching or participating?" line in response to Serena's question about the ballet was superb, and classic Dan. I do not like Dan and Vanessa as luvaahs, so I am a fan of anyone and anything that comes in between them (even if that is Serena). Yes, I cracked on his hair, but Dan is actually looking quite handsome lately, and I will go on the record and throw my support behind him in the Serena wars. (Penn and Blake have a ton more chemistry than she does with Chase). I do find it disheartening that he was so quick to believe Juliet over Vanessa in the sex-for-grades email debacle, but I think there is still more to come from that story... even though it seems that Vanessa is refusing to let go of the shovel and just keeps digging that hole.

Speaking of V: She has got to get it together! If we were friends, this is what I would tell her. "Vanessa, comb your hair. Then, forget Dan and go after Nate. He is heartbroken at the realization that he has been duped yet again by a lady, and he needs a shoulder. You can help him get over Serena and realize you're the only girl for him. You can bond over your mutual loathing of S and D and talk about how Dan betrayed the both of you for Serena. It will be so romantic! Oh, and seriously, comb your hair." What was she thinking bringing about the new evil duo of Juliet and Jenny!?!

J and J: There is no combo suitable to take on anyone that has Chuck+Blair in their corner, but if there ever were one that could come close- it would be Juliet and Jenny. They have nothing to lose, and that's a dangerous motivator. Next week looks awesome (mainly because Katie Cassidy is going back to her Melrose Place blonde), and I cannot wait to see how easily Dan and Nate are fooled into thinking the girl behind the mask is Serena, even thought S is a strange amazonian giant that is taller than both Jenny and Juliet. I'm just seriously hoping they map it out so that Jenny and Dan don't end up having to kiss.... a step sister is as close as we need to go.

Chuck and Blair: I know I said I would cover everyone one-by-one, but I am just enjoying them together too much to split them up, even for one blog post. Last night's episode wasn't as raunchy as I had anticipated, but actually more... sweet? I did find the conversation between Chuck and his driver off-putting, but him in Blair's purple robe was hilarious. Last night, Blair and Chuck provided the light hearted "comedy" side that GG does so well. But then, when he carried her up those stairs... well I for one completely forgot about Jenny and Eva and all that that entailed. And I have a feeling that Chuck and Blair did as well.

Bless Her Heart

Secretary Clinton, I commend you for the advances you have made for women in politics. However, the setbacks that you are creating in the arena of business-wear are seriously alarming.

Lose the headband. Blair Waldorf you are not.

Zee? Zoe!

I had a general sense of "This sucks" for a lot of the episode. It may be my mood. What did y'all think?
Biggest Idiot Award:
Serena? She's an idiot because she has decided to trust Juliet. So Juliet backs her up, ONE TIME, and all of a sudden she comes before Blair on the totem pole of friendship? Stupid.
Nate? He is an idiot for first SHOWING Dan the treaty, then TELLING him it was top secret, then LEAVING Dan there alone with said treaty. Stupid.
Dan? He probably should win for thinking that little ole lonely boy could take on Chuck+Blair. Most stupid.

Speaking of...
A karaoke video? Seriously? Robyn? Seriously? First, I Googled Robyn to find the name of the one song I know (Show Me Love), then I braced myself for the long awaited revelation of a Blair/Jack tryst that has been waiting in the wings since Season 2. The whole episode had built up to this (i.e. Chuck asking how Blair knew where Jack was last summer). Just imagine my disappointment when I had to watch Blair sing Tammy Wynette. Then to watch a Dick van Dyke worthy scene of Rachel Zoe being drenched in chocolate, just to hear her utter "I die". That may, for me, go down as the biggest, lamest, letdown in GG history. Leave it to stupid Dan to think that a karaoke video could undo Chuck+Blair. I understand the whole "Chuck's the only one that knew, he broke the truce" so Blair would retaliate, but come on... I don't tune into GG to watch crap like that.

Are we sure Eric is the only gay? What was up with Dan's moment about Nate talking to Serena? I think Dan was more upset that Nate had been hanging out with the original Upper East Siders and not him. The way he went from being so concerned for his parents and sister, into "I thought we agreed.." That was the gayest thing I have ever seen on GG. Including Eric and his bf. Not to mention Rufus and Dan's obsession with paper being the first anniversary!

Other Lame Moments: Serena reciting the Gettysburg address, and she and Nate giggling at each other. The declaration from Juliet and Ben that this is all about getting Serena expelled (I don't imagine Serena being that into school). The fact that these writers would even give Serena the line, "I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my academic career." Colin being Juliet's cousin, period. I wanted him to be IN ON IT!

Opposite of Lame: Chuck. And. Blair. Tearing. Up. That. Treaty.

I have never been more pro-war.

Easy on the Eyliner, J

This may contain spoilers. (It will.)

What Kind Of Jail Is This: How is Ben texting Juliet constantly? So he jumps Nate's dad in the cafeteria and then just pulls out his Blackberry? What the crap? GG can make the real estate ventures of a high school senior (Chuck) seem realistic, but I just am not buying this plot point. There is no way that this guy would be able to TEXT this often, if ever! The occasional phone call, I can understand, but the texting has just gone over the line.

Little Skanky J: First and foremost, I am NOT a Jenny fan. I can't even remember if I was in the very beginning, but ever since she started putting her eyeliner on with a shovel, I know I've been off board. I think Taylor Momsen has become a WORSE actress since she left. After reading all the articles about how Tim Gunn said she was a little brat and wouldn't get her act together on set, I totally noticed her "I'm too rock and roll for this shiz" attitude last night. And, she is not cute. I thought she was adorbs the first season or two, but with all the black mini dresses, the eyeliner (UGH), and the platinum blonde mop on her head... I was so ready for her to get back to Hudson and out of Manhattan.

The Plot Thickens: What??? Juliet and Colin are in on it together? Are they? That scene took me completely by shock. Is he in charge? He was paying her... for what? WHAT IS THIS STORY?? I just can't even guess! And... Regarding Colin: He's hot. Also, maybe I forgot, but I was thinking he told Serena he managed models or actresses or something? He definitely didn't mention he was a professor. I, for one, did not think his little "maybe I am your future" outburst in front of Lily was cute AT ALL... Right then I thought there was something a little off with him, but I still had no clue he was in on it with Juliet.

Quotables: I loved when Chuck called Blair "Lady Macbeth"... I don't know why, I just thought that was great. I also loved the way that Blair and Chuck ran through the "What Ifs" of last season finale... "If Serena hadn't kissed Dan, then Nate wouldn't be looking for Serena, then Jenny wouldn't have been looking for Nate... If Dorota hadn't gone into labor, then Blair wouldn't have been late, then Chuck wouldn't have been home instead of Nate"... I just really loved it. I love bad boy Chuck, but I love the Chuck that was at the end with Blair even more. I just love Chuck period. I also loved "Love the Way You Lie" playing after Chuck and Blair's scene.

What did y'all think?

College is just high school with more expensive books

You may be asking yourself, "Is Jessica psychic? Is she clairvoyant?"

Well, let me answer you- no I am not :) I am just a good guesser. I was right that Eva was a hooker AND that the rumour would be about an STD, but I have no predictions about next week, so I guess the streak is over. I do, however, think that next week's episode will be the one with Tim Gunn, and I have been looking forward to that! (Do y'all watch Project Runway?)

Now, on to the recap....

As a whole: I wasn't overly impressed with last night's episode, but at the same time I really enjoyed it. I think that with all the "serious" drama that we have had lately, last night's GG rumour and catty nonsense seemed a tad petty. But, that is part of what I love about GG, so I was also relieved to see it take it down a notch and get back to "Constance Billard"-esque drama. Serena's line, "College is just high school with more expensive books" summed it all up for me. And gave me high hopes that they won't all get too mature for GG anytime soon :)

Poor Little Rich, I mean Poor, Girl: Wow. Who did NOT feel sorry for V last night? I mean, the poor girl loves Dan, even though EVERYONE knows that he is still hung up on Serena. Side note: If a boy says, "I'm not going to cut her out of my life", hit the road. It is so obvious that he still has it bad for his step sister. Then, she confides in Juliet (mistake numero uno), and ends up taking the blame for the rumour AND the email. I am a Vanessa fan, even though she has a tendency to be self righteous and annoying (i.e. trying to convince Juliet to confess to having Serena's phone). But her little sad crying face actually made me sad.

Hamilton House is Exclusive??: To be so selective, they sure do let any Tom, Dick, and Harry walk through the doors. Juliet just got kicked out because of the Key debacle, yet she was at the party. Dan and V go to NYU! To be such an honor to get in, and such a black mark to be left out, it would seem like you would need some sort of credentials to get pass the door.

Chuck, welcome back: I completely loved Chuck and Blair's scenes last night. Their complete and utter disregard for innocent bystanders just amuses me beyond belief. It brings me back to the early days of Gossip Girl (and really makes me want to buy all the seasons and rewatch them!), where it was all revenge and sexual tension.

Juliet... seriously?: I cannot figure this girl out! I still am not 100% sold on that being her brother. There is a part of me that still thinks they are/were lovers. I keep racking my brain to remember all the past indiscretions of SVW, but I cannot remember anything involving a Ben. And it must have happened a while back for him to have already gone through a trial and be serving jail time. I was glad that last night made it clear that it was all about Serena, because I was kind of under the impression that it was about all of Manhattan's Elite. But is she after V and D, too? Or were they just collataral damage to get to Serena? I have about settled on the fact that it is going to be something that we don't know yet. Also, is it just me or does every dress that Juliet wears look exactly alike?

My BFF Regina Philange gave this insight, which I found completely amusing: Ben's main goal was to get Serena expelled from Columbia, but how could that really ruin her life? She spent a whole season on a break so I feel like its not really a priority for her.

For a hilarious roundtable discussion on this week's episode, click here.

For the "hook up" chart to which Juliet referred, click here. (You'll need to use Firefox)

Oh, It's On

Okay, I know I'm late, but I watched it last night.

First, let me get this out of the way- I TOLD Y'ALL EVA WAS A HOOKER! I hope he starts a charity in her name to help reform prostitutes in NYC.

Queen B(!%¢#) Blair: Wow. I am surprised at Blair, and that is saying a lot. But it is going to bring back the mean ole' Chuck that I first fell in love with. What is he going to do? This will be glorious.

Dan the Man: What the heck did he do to his hair? At times it looks good, and at other times he looks like the lost member of the NKOTB. If I was Vanessa there's no way I would put up with the back and forth with his step-sister. I mean grow a pair, V!

Nate is a Dufus: He is the most gullible person on TV. And I do not like the new Nate. I liked Nate better when he was all "I love Blair, but I sleep with Serena", but now I just feel like he is a wussy. You can't tell him anything anymore (i.e. him telling Chuck about Blair), and he acts like he is so "above" all the drama (i.e. S and B's little fake fight). I wish he'd go back to sleeping through Chuck's little black book. Boring!

Juliet, what is yo' deal?: Okay, Ben is in jail. I still don't believe it is her brother. What did these kids do to piss Ben and Juliet off? I gotta say, I am hooked into this storyline, because I can't figure it out.

Serena: Thank you for dressing like an American. But I was not a huge fan of that red dress, it made her torso look weird. She, like Nate, is getting a little.... yawn.... for me. It's like "Nate or Dan", "Dan or Nate", bla bla bla. And she's all "the voice of reason" with Blair. I wish they would be at war like Chuck and Blair.

Bits and Pieces: Did Eric enroll in the witness protection? Rufus really isn't letting this Chuck/Jenny thing go. Lily needs some long lost child or husband to pop back in, she gets no screen time at all.

Predictions for next week: I think the rumour Gossip Girl starts is that one of the Elite has an STD.

Whofore Art Thou, Juliet?

Fashion's Night Out: I loved Serena's dress at FNO. It was loud, but it was very S and very fancy. I did not like the dress that Blair wore to her first day at Columbia. I couldn't really figure out what the pattern was, or if there even was a pattern. It was odd. I liked all of Juliet's clothes, although they seem to be maybe one size too small for her.

Rushed, Perhaps: I felt like some of last night's episode was rushed. 1) They wrapped that is it/isn't it Dan's baby story up QUICK! Georgina came back, explained, and left with Milo, in like 15 minutes. That was weird. 2) And the whole Key debacle seemed to get tied up too fast as well. It was off beat to me. I felt like we needed more S vs. B time. I didn't like the whole "We taped ourselves fighting to trap you." Like the girl said, "It's not a party without a Serena/Blair showdown," and I felt that way, too. Then Lily busting up and saying that "as expected" Serena has always been on the top of the list. If I was Blair, that would have pissed me off. 3) Rufus and Eric kind of got over the whole "Attempted Rape of a Minor" thing in one commercial break. I love Chuck and I think getting shot and left for dead negates SOME wrong doings, but he left on such bad terms with Rufus that I feel like there should have been more of a discussion between the two.

Juliet, Juliet, Who Art Thou: Who is this girl!?! I have no idea who the inmate is (and I've Googled it). Was her plot to tear down all of Manahattan's Elite? I can't wait to find out her game. The only theories I have, and they are very vague ones- it has something to do with that whole stealing money scenario that went down a couple of years ago, or Serena "killing" that guy. The only problems with those that they are actually Serena/Georgina centric, and Juliet's revenge seems to be focused primarily on Serena only. However, she did mention to that guy in jail that "The guys were easy", so that makes it seem like she had a vendetta against them, too.

Quick Bits: I don't like how they say Eva's name. I want to pronounce it like Ava, but they pronounce it Eva, as in "Foreva, Foreva, Eva". Blair's hair has been looking a little rough. I can't express how much I DON'T miss Jenny. Rufus is kind of being a douche lately. Eric is acting extra whiny. Nate totally took me by surprise by picking Juliet after she was "exposed" last night. Vanessa and Dan need to get the heck out that apartment (and Brooklyn) or they are going to be on that train to go meet Jenny. Also, I think Eva's secret next week is that she is a hooker.

XOXO

We don't need tickets. I'm Chuck Bass.

Those 3 magic words, "I'm Chuck Bass." Finally.

Last night's episode wasn't wall-to-wall with insights or drama, but it brought about the return of the new and improved Chuck Bass, so it was all good with me.

One would think any scene with Blair (in designer clothes) and Chuck Bass (with a cane) would be divine- and one would be correct. I could have watched an hour of them standing face to face giving Jerry Maguire worthy lines to each other. "It wouldn't be life if you weren't in it." Precious.

Now, Serena, on the other hand, was running around Paris looking like a circus clown Magnum P.I. I'm glad she found Chuck, but could she have not done it in a more neutral color pant? And perhaps not some that were fashioned for M.C. Hammer? Ugh.

Eva- I like her. I don't like her enough to get over Blair. But Chair is nothing if there is not someone keeping them apart, and Eva is just likable enough for me to enjoy this. She is with Chuck to get back at Blair, and I think that's what is endearing. I can't wait to see how Queen B treats her when they are stateside.

Some friends and I recap GG every Tuesday morning, below are some golden nuggets:

Some Observations from Regina Philange (my GG BFF):

Serena's blue pants are redic

Dan and what's her name!?!?

Chuck's legs are weird skinny like an actual crippled person

Dan's sideburns are sick. Not in a good way.

Nate's story line is lame. They should just cut to him without his shirt on after each commercial break.

I don't know why I'm so negative.

Blair and chuck are the new Dawson and Joey except they wear designer vs. American eagle

Why is Blair lying about loving chuck?

The Juliet plot is thickening. Who is she on the phone with?

Is vanessa shrinking?

Thank God that baby isn't dan's. I feel like they are still going to raise it.

I'm glad Serena didn't get to just cone home and choose. I like her better single. Who do you think she was going to pick?

My Reply:

Yes. The best part of the whole episode was when Serena began wearing American clothes again.

Now Blair in that red dress. I almost became lesbi for a minute.

I like Vanessa. I don't really know why. But I liked her better with Nate because it was more complicated. She and Dan are boring!

I cannot wait to find out more about Juliet, and I concur about Nate being shirtless. And often.

I think it's the tight as crap Parisian pants that were making his legs look tiny. But dang if he can't make a cane look sexy.

"We don't need tickets. I'm Chuck Bass."