Doesn't Count

I've been terribly bored and disappointed with GG lately. I'm not sure if the problem lies with my general snarky attitude towards life right now, or if the writing has gotten truly sucky... but either way, I live blogged while watching this week's episode. Translated: I watched and listened, but all I could truly hear are sarcastic comments coming from my mind. Those are included below.

Blair: "A lot of mascara for a friend."
Serena: "Well, you and I both know I don't have any real friends. Just boys that I use up and throw away. Oh, and you remind me of Don Draper."
Blair: "Why? Because I have a job and you live here and mooch off me?"

Lily: "I can't believe my kids haven't forgiven me for forging their names and selling their companies."

Ben: "I'm moving to Vanessa's compound in Ithaca."
Serena: "I've heard Ithaca is beautiful."
Ben: "Really?"
Serena: "No. I've never heard of Ithaca at all. Is it in Europe?"

Blair: "Going to movies is a one or four time thing. We are not friends."
Dan: "You are such a girl."
Blair: "You are such a boy."
Dan: "Let's make out."
Blair: "Don't get your hopes up."

Damien: "I'm sorry Juliet tried to kill you."
Serena: "You are a bad person. All bad people's names are illiterate."
Damien: "Do you mean alliterative? Because my names both start with D?"
Serena: "I don't know my letters yet. And don't correct me. When are you going to learn that what you does hurts people?"
Damien: "Didn't you kill someone?"
Serena: "Doesn't count."

Epilepsy: "Welcome to W. Which stands for We have a lot of parties."

Serena: "This halfway house is just one step up from jail. Why don't they put all ex-cons up in the plaza like the Colonel?"

Dan: "I'm going to pull your hair."
Blair: "I'm going to tell."
Dan: "We are going to make out."
Blair: "Whatev. But yes."

Lily: "Eric you are a liar."
Eric: "I got it from you."
Lily: "Decorem."
Eric: "What?"
Lily: "Class."
Eric: "Are you just using synonyms to try to get me to quit calling you out?"
Lily: "Grace. Bye."

Dan: "I didn't date Serena for two years and not know those are Marc Jacobs and mustard."
(I actually just loved that line.)

(As well as...)
Blair: "Look! It's Georgina's baby."

Nate: "Where have you been?"
Captian: "You're not the boss of me."
Nate: "If you are going to live in Chuck's hotel, then you are going to obey my rules."
Commander: "Fine. I got a job with the new black people."
Nate: "Is that against your probation?"
Lieutenant Colonel: "Probation? I am on PAROLE! Probation is for petty crimes."
Nate: "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
Chief Dog Catcher: "I just want respect. I am good at what I do. And what I do is commit Class A felonies."

Rufus: "Open your mail Lily."
Lily: "No."
Serena: "Open it."
Lily: "It's my taxes."
Serena opens it.
Lily: "Dignity. Polite. Reputation."
Rufus: "What?"
Lily: "I am rolling my eyes because I am rich and morally corrupt, but I KNOW my synonyms!"

Dan: "My author has awards."
Blair: "Mine has more."
Dan: "I stalk Stefano and his niece."
Blair: "Crap. I should've thought of that."

Blair: "I am going around the world to say that Dan is attractive and interesting."
Serena: "Listen to me, B. I make good choices."
Blair: "When?"
Serena: "One time. Not today. I wore satellite dishes as earrings today."

Damien: "Hello Mr. Donovan."
Ben: "Damien Delgard."
Damien: "You say potato judge says pedohile."
Ben: "I didn't say potato."
Damien: "Muahahahaha."

Rufus: "Lly means well."
Eric: "She ruins everything."
Rufus: "Yeah."

Literal gay drama.

Serena: "My brother doesn't hang out with drug."
Ben: "There he is with Doctor Evil... I mean Damien."
Serena: "I won't believe it until I see it with my own eyes."
Ben: "You are seeing it now."
Serena: "You should talk to him. Rufus is a good dad, and Dan's a good brother... but I think what Eric needs right now is to hear from an ex-con who had an innapropriate relationship with his sister and then tried to have her killed."

Raina: "I always tel the truth."
Chuck: "What about when you said you were a secretary?"
Raina: "Doesn't count."

Epilepsy: "Welcome to the W party, where W stands for Wrestling! Take it away interns!"

Nate: "I am not going to tell you again... you cannot work there."
Captain Kangaroo: "I'm good at what I do! I want to earn an honest living."
Nate: "Didn't you get caught embezzling?"
SGA President: "Doesn't count."

Ben: "Hello. I am Mr. Rogers. Here is a lesson."
Eric: "Who are you?"
Ben: "I am Serena's friend."
Eric: "Didn't you try to kill my sister?"
Ben: "Doesn't count."

Rufus: "How did I get in this party?"

Dan: "Epilepsy, please give Blair her job back so she will make out with me."

Rufus: "Ben I am going to move you in my loft without asking my son."
Ben: "That sounds like a great idea."
Rufus: "Here are my keys. Take them back to the house full of ex-cons."

Ben: "Stay away from Serena."
Damien: "Make me."
Ben: "I will tell your dad on you."
Damien: "You like Serena! Na na na boo boo."