Am I not a woman??

Today was my yearly visit to see my dear ole gyno. I actually don't mind going. It's faster than the dentist, and they don't insist on making small talk while they do their business. 

Plus, it's just another chance for me to thank God I am not pregnant.

I'm almost 30 now... I keep being told that my biological clock won't tick forever... but I'm left wondering if it ever has or ever will tick at all. I was much more pro-marriage and pro-children when I was teenager... which I guess could explain all the teen pregnancies. They haven't wised up yet. Once you see your friends and family divorce, being unmarried doesn't seem so bad. And once you see your friends lose their bodies, mind, and sanity due to a screaming, crying, pooping baby- it makes being childless not seem so bad.

There was a darling young lady in the waiting room today who had 1 week left before her scheduled c-section (I learned this from eavesdropping. I didn't care enough to ask.) All I felt was pity. 

"I'm sorry you won't sleep a solid 8 hours for the next 3 years, at LEAST."

"I'm sorry you're taking on a new, expensive member of the family that will not contribute monetarily until they are grown. And then they'll leave."

"I'm sorry that baby will hate you in 12 years. And I assure they will."

"I'm sorry your baby isn't going to come out weighing 47 pounds and you're going to have lose 40 of that on your own."

Nowhere did I feel envy or joy or feel the need to congratulate her. Babies are a blessing, I know. And I will eat these words one day when I am big and pregnant and posting pictures with numbered weeks on Facebook. 

But, thank you again, God, that that day is not today.

Second Quarter 2011

As I have previously stated, I do not make New Year's Resolutions, but Monthly Resolutions. 

You can view the first quarter's goodies here.

Below are the resolutions I tackled in the second quarter of what is shaping up to be a wonderful year.

April: Eat More Vegetables

There are few things in life that I can say with 100% certainty: Dr. Pepper is superior to Mr. Pibb. Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. Rainbow flip-flops are the greatest shoes ever invented. One statement near the top of that list is that I do not eat vegetables. Sure, I may eat the occasional bean, a starchy potato or corn dish... but green? Leafy? Fresh from dirt? No. Never. (Back-story) I used to hate water. My theory was that water tasted like air, and I didn't want to drink air. Then, 7 years ago, I resolved to drink only water for 40 days (Lent), and by day 40, I craved water. Still love it. So, I thought that if I crammed vegetables down my throat for a month, I'd develop a taste and be better for it. Eh, not so much. I ate broccoli. It was gross. I ate cauliflower. I gagged. I ate a cucumber. My eyes watered. Now granted, being that I am 27 and have never eaten most of these (barring they were smothered in cheese, or someone snuck them in without my knowledge), there is a good chance that I was eating the wrong parts of these foods (is it the stem or the "tree top" that is eaten on broccoli? I tried, and hated, both.). But, nevertheless, I tried the vegetables at every meal that I could... and if nothing else, it kept me from eating mashed potatoes every day. Surprisingly, I did find that I enjoy spinach. Not the slimy, someone-already-chewed-this, glop mess that people eat... but the actual spinach leaves. So, I suppose it wasn't a complete waste.

May: Just Say Yes

I told a friend of mine that my resolution for May was to Just Say Yes. He seemed to think this was a terrible idea that would get me in a ton of trouble with sex, drugs, and, I don't know, rock and roll? However, being that I don't live on the tour bus of a 60's metal band, this month was exceptionally fun and eye-opening. I wouldn't say I come from a place of no (RHONYC reference!!), but I also wouldn't kid myself into thinking that I live in the middle of yes-town either. I have an image in my mind of who I am and what I do, and I tend to not venture out of that comfort zone. Especially when said venture could bring me to be around people that are missing teeth or wearing Nascar shirts. (I'm a snob, but I own it.) But this month, I decided I was going to "Just Say Yes." Here are the results:

The first weekend in May, my roommate asked me to go to a local craft fair. It was outside, in the humid Alabama spring. I would have rather stayed in and watched my Friends Season 4 DVDs, but I "Just Said Yes," and ended up finding a beautiful purse that I gave my mom for Mother's Day. And my roommate and I had a great day... doing something different.

The second weekend in May, I went to Nashville for a friends Bachelorette trip. Two guys asked for my number, and I would usually say no right away... because I could never "talk" to a guy that I met in a bar... what kind of love story is that? But, I "Just Said Yes," and they were both actually terribly nice, normal people. Granted, I came home, Facebook stalked one of them (don't judge me), and found out he was 20 and in town playing Ultimate Frisbee. But, that's neither here-nor-there.

The third weekend in May, I had a friend that was racing at a local drag strip. Now, this drag strip is in a part of my state that I have never been. Never planned to go. But, I "Just Said Yes." I could have died, and on my death bed, I would have proudly proclaimed, in my last breath, "I have never been to the Steele Drag Strip... I have lived a classy life." Well, now, I will have to think of a new deathbed proclamation, but I made some wonderful, hilarious, memories with my closest friends. I'll admit, this hilarity was mostly at the expense of people with missing teeth and Nascar shirts, but again, that's neither here-nor-there.

The last weekend in May, Memorial Day weekend, I went on another "out of my comfort zone" journey. We made plans to go float down the Cahaba, which I had heard of people doing, and it sounded fun. But then our EC (event coordinator) let me know that this in the backwoods outside of Wilton (what??). Immediately, I heard dueling banjos and wondered what I had agreed to. But we went, and again, laughed all day at people that were missing teeth or holding beer coolers as if they were their only child. But it was wonderful.

At the end of this month, I felt more of a "now I can say I did it," as opposed to, "I'm proud to say I've never been there," so I would say it was a complete success.

June: No Shopping/30 for 30 Challenge

It was fast approaching the end of May, and I still had not thought of anything to take on for June. I wanted it to be something good... something daring... something more interesting than "work out"... and I just didn't want to work out. So I asked my bestest friends to submit suggestions and I would choose from those. A friend directed to a website that explained the 30 for 30 Challenge... which in a nutshell is this: you pick 30 pieces from your wardrobe, and make 30 outfits, in 30 days. You can read, in probably more detail than you want, about the pieces I picked, the first 15 outfits, and the last 15, in older posts. I had a great time doing it, and would suggest it to any fellow shopaholic. It made me appreciate the clothing I already own, and above all else, taught me how to use the belts and scarves that I buy but scarcely wear. I actually put thought into the outfits I was choosing, and it made me feel more confident in my appearance. Plus, the no-shopping saved me a few bucks, and kept me from buying a black dress for a wedding, when I already own 10. No joke. Success.

To the guy that sits beside me...

You can say "phew" as many times and as loudly as you want.

I will never ask you what happened.

First Quarter 2011

I don't make New Year's Resolutions.

I understand my limits, and I acknowledge that I won't stick with it for more than a month.

So, I make a resolution each month.

These were my resolutions, and the outcome of such, for the first quarter of 2011.

January: Cut Back on Celebrity Gossip

Note that this says Celebrity Gossip and not Celebrity News. I still enjoy reading stories of who got married or divorced, or who had a baby... or especially who died (I know, issues). But I was tired of reading all the stories that I knew were probably false, however juicy they may be. I completed this resolution by deleting my subscription to Perez Hilton's blog. There is no telling how much time and energy I wasted reading that mean man's opinion of celebrities. The thing was, I didn't like or agree with 90% of what he said, but I had gotten addicted to reading and knowing everything that was out there, no matter the source. I decided that the wanting to know wasn't necessarily the problem, but I had to watch where I was getting my fix. I now only read more reputable and positive websites. Deleting that negativity that comes from reading a grown man call a woman fat or draw lude pictures on a man's face... I can't tell you how much lighter my RSS Feed has gotten :)

February: Engage in Conversation with Other People

I hate conversing with other people. Now, don't get me wrong, I could sit and talk to my friends for hours... but strangers? No. Acquaintances? Even worse, because they expect you to actually care. I chose this resolution for February because it is the shortest month and I needed to save those 2 or 3 extra days for something I could actually stand. I resolved to respond and engage with every person that spoke to me for this entire month. When someone says, "Hey, how are you?" I usually say, "Fine." That's it. No, "Fine, how are you?" just "Fine." And let me tell you, you're lucky you get those 4 little letters. I will walk 5 minutes out of my way to avoid a conversation. It makes me nervous and uncomfortable to have to make conversation, so I promised myself that I would start small and simply return greetings and ask about people's general state of being... in person and on Facebook. So I Hey'd and Hi'd my way through half the month just fine... and then I realized what a grievous error I had made. My birthday falls right in the middle of the month of February, and it was on a Sunday this year. Which meant that I would be at church for 6 hours, with at least 200 people that usually speak to me, and they would ALL speak because it was my freaking birthday... not to mention the random weirdos that I had to say Thank-you-how-are-you to on Facebook (why do you wish random people happy birthday?). So I took a deep breath and Thank-you-How-are-you-doing'ed my way through my whole birthday, and I will say... after the day was over, I felt more social than the rest of my life combined.

March: Floss Every Day

More than anything else, this was decided because I had a dentist appointment at the beginning of March. But it is something we should all do, and it is something that I detest doing. After begging my dental hygienist to give up all hopes of me actually flossing, she granted me her blessing on using those little slingshot looking flossers. I told her I could do that. So, I resolved to do so every day for the month of March, and I did. I actually don't mind doing it at all, since I don't have to actually use the string of floss and stick my hands in my mouth. I realize that after January and February's Make-Me-A-Better-Person resolutions, this one seems trivial, but there are only so many character flaws that I am actually willing to change.

Facebook Farmville Pharoah

If you are trying to convince the world that you are ready to be your own ruler, this is a great place to start.

Egypt for the win.