2011 Oscar Live Blog

Cute opening. James Franco is adorable and Anne Hathaway is more enjoyable than usual. The little movie spoof opener is actually funny. In parts.

They are going to great lengths now to make us care about "doesn't matter" awards. No matter how many clips they show from Gone with the Wind and Titanic, I'm not going to remember these winners' names tomorrow. I don't remember their names now.

Alice in Wonderland wins Best Art Director. This guy may seriously pass out. Did he just offer to saw the Oscar in half, and then place a little top hat on it? Things just took an early turn.

Well, Inception won Cinematography, so I guess we won't have another Gone with the Wind or Titanic. Could have told you that. This genius just chastised the audience for wasting his speech time. Hope you enjoy this- your only Oscar ever.

Someone roll Kirk Douglas' dead body back to the morgue... this is just embarrassing. What did he just confess? He loves what??? Are there subtitles for old people? Obviously he is presenting for some female award because they just showed Giselle from Enchanted and the Witch from Big Fish. I hope the little girl from True Grit wins... for no reason other than that it is the only movie out of these that I have seen.

Seriously... what is Kirk talking about??? Hugh Jackman is laughing because he is Australian? Um, no. He is laughing because you talk worse than "David after the Dentist." Marley Matlin could present better than this.

The Oscar for "Supporter Actress" goes to Marky Mark's white trash mom. She is wearing what looks like a Christmas craft I made in kindergarten. The ones where you fold the paper and then cut out a snow flake? Oh gosh... she just slipped the F word... this is going crazy train fast.

James Franco is divine. I love his facial expression. "Congratu-effin-lations, Melissa." that was awesome.

Does Meg Griffin have a purple tattoo on her boobies?

Is there a reason that these short cartoons have a separate category that gets air time? Cut that out and perform some music or something. Geeze... the winners were seated in the lobby. And one of them is a midget. They produced The Lost Thing. I doubt anyone other than them has ever heard of it. Did the non-midget say his wife was Jennifer Nettle? As in, the country singer? I'll Google it later.

If any movie other than Toy Story 3 wins best Animated Feature, I am going to literally tear my TV off the wall. Whew... I am glad I don't have to.

What is JT talking about "Banksy?"

Was that a dig at the Academy by the Toy Story guy? What is with these people biting the hand that feeds them?

I feel like they keep setting up these intros to montages or video clips... and then... nothing. It is weird. Why do Josh and Javier match?

Best Adapted Screenplay... I want Winter's Bone to win, because I wanted to see it. Oh well... it didn't. But I do want to see the Social Network, too... so no harm.

This guy is a major dork. How long has he been holding onto that Network reference? Okay, bud... music's playing... get off the stage. You can thank Kirk Douglas for that.

Best Original Screenplay- I am pulling for Inception. I loved the movie, and anyone that THOUGHT that up... well he deserves an award.

Did he get it though? No. It went to a movie about a stuttuttererer.

And we are back. Anne is singing Joey Potter's beauty pageant talent song. What is up with all the Hugh Jackman references? I am out of the loop.

And James Franco is in a hot pink dress. Awesome Charlie Sheen reference. I love James Franco.

Best Foreign Language Film... no one cares. No one.

Reese Witherspoon is gorgeous. Although, I do not understand the green earrings with that dress. Best Supporting Actor goes to... I say Geoffrey Rush. And I was wrong. Christian Bale takes it. Has he always been British? I don't recall his expletive laden web feature being in an accent? Did he forget his wife's name? That was awkward.

We are already watching the Oscars, and ABC... so I feel the in-broadcast advertisement was necessary.

A nice little intro to some music awards. I always like this part. Oh lord. They are playing Star Wars... I'm sold.

Best Original Score... it's a toss up between The King's Speech and Inception. Or not. Social Network wins. Bull. Inception's score totally made that movie.

Everything James Franco says makes me laugh. Not out loud, but I do chuckle.

Matthew McCanaughy and ScarJo are presenting an award for Acievement in Sound... do you think these actors are disappointed when they present for crappy awards?

Inception wins. I am so glad. The guy just thanked all three of their wives... and one of the winners is a woman. Her dress made by Hefty should have given it away.

Another award about Sound. Inception wins again. Rightfully so.

Marissa Tomei... love her. If I could only watch 5 movie scenes for the rest of my life, her testimony in My Cousin Vinnie would be one of them. But poor girl... she's presenting the Science awards. That's one step up from interviewing people on the red carpet for the TVGuide channel.

"Congratulations nerds." Love James Franco.

Cate Blanchett looks beautiful. She is presenting the award for Make-up. Of course it would go to The Wolfman. All the other nominees were just regular "put on some eyeliner" movies.

Costume Design... I would like True Grit to win, but it did not. Alice in Wonderland did. It should, but I just didn't want it to. Is this woman reading straight off her note card? You are at the freaking Oscars. Memorize something or just say "Thank you," and get off the stage.

Is this "movie song" thing a commercial or part of the show? I would bet you a million dollars that President Obama's favorite song is NOT As Time Goes By. Now Kevin Spacey is singing some old song that even I have never heard of.

Randy Newman is singing a song from Toy Story 3. Did anyone other than me think that Randy Newman was black?

I am strangely attracted to college Andy from Toy Story 3.

Now Mandy Moore is singing the Song from Tangled. Are they going to sing all the songs all together? I don't like that. But I do like the guy singing with Mandy. (Are you available?)

Okay, forget that guy... Jake Gyllenhaal is on the TV. I need a second.

What is Amy Adams wearing?

I have no idea what Jake said, but I agree and I love him. I love him. Love. Gorgeous. He deserves a better category than Short Documentary.

Live Action Short Film... didn't know this category existed. What is The Crush about? It had a little boy staring dreamily at his teacher... but there was a gun in the title... confusing.

They stick these crappy categories in the middle so you have to watch them. Evil.

"NYU, what's up?" Have I mentioned that I love James Franco.

This T-Pain-esque skit about musicals is hilarious. And that may be the first time I've heard JT sing in 5 years.

Oprah? Really? This is not the Emmy's. She's presenting for Best Documentary. I am calling it for Exit Through the Giftshop... because now I understand the Banksy comments that JT was making. And again, I am wrong. Inside Job takes it. Don't ask me what it is about. Judging by the obnoxious political comments, I am guessing it is about the financial crisis.

Anne is back with a surprise... Billy Crystal. I used to LOVE the Oscars when he hosted! He's doing a bit about Bob Hope... another good host. I'm not sure where this is going though. Montage of old Bob Hope clips. They have him imposed over a podium... half cool and half creepy.

Robert Downey, Jr and Jude Law are presenting for some Technology awards. Inception wins for Visual Effects. Social Network wins for Film Editing. One of the guys just asked the other guy to hug it out. Not real sure about that...

James Franco is making comments about how the movie titles are dirty... Winter's Bone. Rabbit Hole. How to Train Your Dragon. The man can do no wrong.

J-Hud is presenting a song by Florence and some other man. It's from 127 Hours, which I will never see, because I get nauseated at the thought of it. Even though I do love James Franco.

Gwyneth Paltrow is singing her song from Country Strong... I love that she sings. That movie was great, and I am impressed that she actually sings herself. Even though that white mic is atrocious.

Best Song goes to... I say the song from Toy Story 3... and this time I am right!! Go Disney!

Celine Dion... I forgot you existed. Oh the In Memoriam... Leslie Nielson. Was that man's name Hickenlooper? Lynn Redgrave. Dennis Hopper. Who was the lady at the end? They didn't put her name?

Oh, hello, Halle Berry... Now I understand. It was Lena Horne.

I'm not a huge Hilary Swank fan, but I love this woman with her. No, I can't recall her name... but she won Best Director last year. She was the first woman, AND she beat her butt-hole ex-husband, James Cameron. I wasn't paying attention to the nominees, but the director for The King's Speech won Best Director.

James Franco always seems to be a little uncomfortable... but I like it.

Not a huge Annette Benning fan either. She's presenting a montage from the Governor's Ball... which looks like "the Oscars go to the Nursing Home."

Now we are getting to the awards that actually matter.

Jeff Bridges always looks smashed. Nicole Kidman looks beautiful. Natalie Portman looks gorgeous pregnant!! When I get pregnant, I will look like a white Precious.

Jen from Dawson's Creek? I forgot she made a movie this year. I am just not over her antics on the Creek, so I can't put my support behind her.

I call Natalie... Correct. That dress is beautiful. I have loved Natalie Portman since she gave birth to a baby in a Wal-Mart.

I am torn between thinking that Anne Hathaway is funny or just annoying. The jury is still out.

I love me some Sandra Bullock :)

I would love for Jeff Bridges to win, because he was awesome in True Grit. But I am thinking that Colin Firth will win for The King's Speech. Nice shout out to General Hospital, which I love.

Called it. Firth wins.

There are three minutes left in the program and there is still Best Picture to award. They need to hurry.

Stephen Spielburg is presenting. He really is the best. Of course, Cowboys and Aliens is set to come out this year.

I am calling The King's Speech to win it, but I am pulling for Toy Story 3. Mainly just because I want to see Tim "the Toolman" Taylor accept an Oscar.

Honestly, Inception or True Grit could win, and I'd love it... because I loved those movies. But I can't honestly say they were the BEST pictures.

I called it.

PS22 kids are singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. All the winners joined them onstage. That is a really cute closing.

In my opinion, the show was a success.

I will be Redboxing a bunch of movies this next week. And isn't that what the Oscar's is really all about? You can't buy a house with a gold statue.

I always have time for a scheme

This was the best episode in weeks... months maybe!

It started off with the Queen B berating her minions over Skype... and being that I love Blair and I love Skype... I knew I'd be a happy camper.

Blair has no doubt bitten off more than she can chew at W. I could tell from the first sight that there would be a Post-It mix up disaster, and it did not fail to deliver. It also cam as no surprise that Serena busted into Blair's place of employment asking for her help. Now, Serena has commented on every episode since Christmas that Blair is "too busy" and has "too much going on," but S deemed it appropriate to pile one more thing on her? Serena's selfishness never ceases to amaze me. But Blair is an undeniable over-achiever, and an addict of schemes... so of course she accepted.

The scheme? To get Eric off the hook for a $100,000 drug deal that somehow involved tulips. Damien was blackmailing Eric to complete this drug deal, by saying that if the drugs were not delivered, Lily would be outed as the forger that she is! Now, I watch Gossip Girl enough to know that the Van der Woodsons can buy themselves out of any trouble... so I don't understand why all the hoops are being jumped through to keep Lily out of trouble. I know what I'd do... I'd call that judge and blackmail HIM into making the whole situation disappear... or I'd pimp Serena out to a Senator and take some pictures, and just nip this thing in the bud from the TOP!

Moving on... In other news, Dan pops in to save the day for Blair at W. Really, he is just trying to take her to lunch as a thank you for reading his article, but come on... we both know they are just making excuses to see each other now. So Blair gives him an assignment: to complete whatever is written on a certain Post-it. Of course Dan messes it up and grabs the Post-It that says "Pick up tulips." And thus, Dan is turned into an unknowing drug mule.

BUT! Blair hasn't been sleeping well, and she wrote the wrong color tulips on the Post-It... so Dan is actually just a flower delivery boy. That seems fitting for the boy from Brooklyn.

Elsewhere in the UES, the Thorpe takeover of Bass industries is getting close. Lily and Chuck stage a fake fight, so that Russell thinks his plan of divide and conquer is working. Lily then takes Russ out to lunch, while Chuck breaks into his offices using the codes that the Captain embezzled last week.

Meanwhile, Nate is babysitting Raina, so that she doesn't bust Chuck for B&E... and so Nate can talk Chuck up and she will fall back in love with him. Chuck, I love you... and I would always pick you over Nate... but maybe not pick such a hot friend to entertain your love interest next time. Nate and Raina end up playing Wii, eating Ice Cream, and making all kinds of memories all day... and by the end of the day, she couldn't have picked Chuck out of a line-up.

This pairing makes more sense to me anyway. Nate needs a story, and they actually have some chemistry... as much as you can have with a robot like Raina. I want Chuck good and single when Blair and Dan finally hook up... because I want him to lose it... and so, he doesn't need any distractions.

Back to the tulips for drugs scenario... It just happens to be Eric's 18th birthday, and Lily has planned a piñata laden theme party for a lot of his friends who have never before been seen on the show. Well, other than Damien, who busted in and demanded his hundred grand for the drug deal gone bad. Serena and Eric immediately go to opening all of his birthday gifts to find his trust fund (how do you wrap a trust fund?) so that he can pay Damien and make this all go away. Lily busts them mid-check and finally takes some responsibility... she will pay Damien. Wow, bad guys never win on GG.

Ben makes like the good ex-con he is and threatens Damien into giving back the money. Vanessa witnesses this altercation, but lucky for Ben, everyone hates Vanessa, so there is no one she can tell. But Damien runs right to Russell Thorpe and offers him information on the VDW/Basses in exchange for $100,000... Damien needs to learn- ask for $200,000 and make a profit! Geeze. That's why you're a drug dealer and not a businessman.

Back to Dan and Blair... Blair is exhausted, just like her pseudo-boyfriend has been telling her all day, and she has forgotten to write the blog she was assigned. She discovers it has been written, and she knows it was Dan. She jets over to the loft to thank him, and they end up eating pizza and watching A Philadelphia Story.

Oh, and Blair had on two different shoes all episode, which apparently in the UES is the same as being completely naked. I thought they looked fine as a pair. Better than anything Vanessa wears.

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